YouTube, Bi fears and Homophobia

28 May

As pretty much everyone that knows me knows, I love YouTube. Not just watching videos, but the interaction, the community, the sharing, the support,… I could go on. I recently posted a video about homophobia in honor of International Day Against Homophobia and had such positive feedback and saw so many great ideas and discussions in the comments and video responses. As a youtuber with a rather small following, I was touched at the reaction.

It’s an issue that is very close to my heart, and while I didn’t say specifically in my video, the generic situations I mention are actually pulled from my life and my family. I am a bisexual, my brother is gay. We grew up in a baptist family (not like the crazy extremist baptists that give us a bad name, but even so, homosexuality was viewed as a chosen lifestyle and wrong).

Most people I interact with online and in real life know that I’m bisexual, but I’ve never discussed it with my parents. If they were to look at any of my online profiles, a number of videos, even Facebook, they would see that, and maybe they have, but if so they’ve never mentioned it.  My dad would have no problems with it. That just wouldn’t matter to him and he wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. But I’m too much of a coward to tell my mother.

My mother found some racy letters I exchanged with my first girlfriend when I was about 13 (mind you, I’d be worried too, we probably shouldn’t have been writing things so sexually explicit at that age, but I’m sure you all remember being 13). In any case, she didn’t tell me she found them, but I knew anyway. This girl was also one of my best friends, along with her twin sister, and happened to live next door. We all used to hang out after school and on the weekends, our parents were close friends as well, and we always went camping together and generally were together a lot. After my mom found out that we were doing a little more than gossiping, my parents would no longer allow us to be alone together. Ever. We all used to hang out in a tree house behind my house, but suddenly she and I weren’t allowed to be alone there and even if whoever else was with us decided to go inside to watch tv or do something else she and I would be told to, “Hey now, come down out of there. No playing in there right now!” We were never given any explanation, and the root of the situation was never once addressed. To this day. Because of homophobia.

Wow. My intentions for this post were just to give a little intro and embed my video but it seems to have turned into a bit of a diary entry/therapy session. Perhaps I’ll enjoy this blogging every day thing more than I thought.

Peace and DFTBA

xx

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8 Responses to “YouTube, Bi fears and Homophobia”

  1. Chelsea May 28, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

    Wow! That must be so hard not being able to just be yourself in front of your mom! I’m sorry things are like that. 😦

    • megnorris May 28, 2010 at 5:00 pm #

      It’s kind of shitty. I’ve skillfully avoided her and and my nana’s questions about my Homophobia video, and where to find it. #coward

  2. Sam May 28, 2010 at 5:40 pm #

    I’d out you in second Meg if I thought it would do any good and wasn’t totally out of order. I’m really pleased you felt comfortable enought to talk about it here, that is a good thing. I have always felt its a crying shame that your mum can’t except that aspect of you for what it is. Its such an unsignificant thing in regards to what a mother daughter relationship is. I think you should tell her. I can’t say when or where would be the best time but in yor position I’d feel like I was living a lie if I couldn’t be honest with my parents about who I am no matter the consquences.

    • megnorris May 28, 2010 at 6:33 pm #

      “…if I thought it would do any good and wasn’t totally out of order.”
      But you know it wouldn’t do any good. It’s just the way things are right now. Maybe someday things will change, I don’t know. In the meantime, I’d like to have a relationship with my mom that doesn’t mean every conversation is centered around my poor “choices” and her self-righteousness.

  3. Ute May 28, 2010 at 6:20 pm #

    I think telling your mom is a decision that has to go along the lines of ‘what is the worst that could happen’. If all you will encounter is some fleeting disappointment and a slight drop in her approval of you then you could go for it. If it would really destroy your relationship with her and would have long term adverse consequences, I would leave it be. How does your brother figure into all of this? Does she know about him? Also I think it is less the ‘knowing’ than the acknowledging of the fact. She probably knows but as long as you two don’t talk about it it is not real.

    • megnorris May 28, 2010 at 6:27 pm #

      My mom has just stopped talking out my brother’s sexuality. For a long time it was horrible, and she made him go to counseling to try and “fix” it. She is of the opinion that it is just “a cool thing to do these days” and that being gay is a sin. I know she would say the same thing about bisexuality, saying that it’s just something people say to sound cool or something. And I also know that telling her explicitly would have long term consequences. Her relationship with my brother leaves much to be desired.

      • Ute May 28, 2010 at 6:42 pm #

        It sounds like you have good reasons not to tell her. But I think in the long run it is much more her loss than it is yours or your brother’s. She is shutting herself out of your lives.

  4. Sam May 28, 2010 at 11:15 pm #

    Indeed Ute is right. Its not your problem if she can’t see passed the way you are to the person she loves as a mother.

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